THE pain that one 16-year-old student of Alpha Institute in Kingston felt after his older girlfriend exposed him to sexual intercourse and then dumped him, is the only lesson he needed to understand that he should wait until he is an adult and is emotionally ready for that activity.
Even though has recovered from a state of depression and has found himself another girlfriend who is currently pressuring him to have sex, he is determined to hold out until he is ready.
On Tuesday, the student was a participant in an International Men’s Day workshop ‘Jamaican Boys becoming men’, hosted by Terri Salmon, head of the non-governmental organization Youth for Arts and Recreational Development (YARD) Empire. The workshop was held at the Alpha Mercy Historical Centre and targeted at risk boys and young men who attend the Alpha Institute on South Camp Road. The theme of the workshop was “Risky Behaviour-Nuh Dweet”.
“I was dating a girl when I was 15. She was around age 16 or 17. We dated for around nine months. Around five months into the relationship I finally got to have sex with her. She left me after nine months. That happened pretty recently. We were both good until all of a sudden she just said the relationship was done.
“It mash up my meditation, like, 100 per cent. I loved her, so when she left I had a mental block. I wasn’t focusing on school at all. When I came to school, I wouldn’t do any work. I would just look in the teacher’s face every day. My mind was gone, basically. Right now, I am not focusing on those things because you live and you learn.
“I am not going to lie, I have another girl now but we are not having sexual intercourse. From the experience I had, I don’t even think about those things. I am not going to rush it. I think the right time to do that is when I leave school. This new girl wants me to have sex with her, but I tell her no. She is saying that I am behaving like a boy. I told her that the pain I felt with my last girlfriend is what created the person I am now. She said if I keep moving the same way, she is going to leave me. Today, I want to buy her some KFC and reason with her,” the young man said.
Salmon’s workshop sought not only to highlight the dangers of boys and young adults engaging in sexual intercourse and various forms of risky behaviours such as drug usage, but also aimed to make them aware of and be able to identify occurrences of same-sex harassment.
The boys were very appreciative of the lessons imparted about same-sex harassment and gave thumbs up to a short film highlighting the issue. The film was directed by Salmon, who is a known actress and director. The short video, entitled The Mentor, depicts a male employer cheekily wanting to assume the role of mentor-sponsor to a young male employee who is a university aspirant. The employer seeks to shower the young man with gifts and takes him out for lunch. The young man eventually finds himself in an uncomfortable position after lunch, when the employer touches him on his thigh
“The presentation was meaningful. It shined some light on my darkness. To be honest, I saw it happening to one of my friends but I never knew there was a hotline we could call. Now that I have the paper and the information, I am going to take the picture and send it to him. He was going through the same thing in the video. A man was trying to help him and little did he know that it was ‘something’ the man wanted from him,” one of the Alpha Institute students said.
As it relates to heterosexual sex, the young man said that he has learned to leave that alone for now and focus on his education. His advice to vulnerable young men was: “Try to get out of the ghetto and do your thing. We came into the world because of sex. We came and saw it and it will be here after we are gone, so we don’t have to run it down.”
Another student spoke on both topics of same-sex harassment and engaging in heterosexual sex far too early.
“The workshop was informative because it showed me certain ways how it can happen. If a man is trying hard to be your friend, you can pick up on it and know what it can lead to. If he is telling you about lunch, he is instigating certain things to try and catch you in a trap that he is trying to set.
“As it relates to the big women who come after us as young men, it happened to me many times. I think about doing it with them but I don’t want to be in certain bangarang. I am a good youth. I am 17 and plenty times big woman look me. I am talking even women in their 30s. My advice to youth is that they should basically hold their own,” he said.
Mark Davidson, the actor who plays the role of the predatory employer in the film, wanted to make it clear to people who come across the video that he is no homosexual in real life. His reason for deciding to play the role, however, is that he is aware that many young men fall victim to sexual harassment from other males. His advice is that young men must do their best, work hard and avoid loving handouts.
“The character I play is a harasser. I am not a harasser in real life. A lot of it is going on in the performing arts and even among ghetto youths. You have young ghetto youths who go into a space where they are vulnerable. They get a particular job and meet people like this. I have never been in this situation before but under the direction of my director, I just executed the role because we want to put a stop to all forms of sexual harassment, whether it is same-sex or otherwise. I also want it to be out there that I am straight.
“I want young men to be aware of their situation and know when they are vulnerable. Vulnerable situations include when you are poor. Learn to satisfy with what your parents can give to you. Try to do your best without having to get handouts. A lot of the times, when certain things happen, it is because they are not aware of their vulnerability. We want young men to recognise when they are vulnerable,” Davidson urged.
